Being Right Was Taking Up Space
Listening while preparing a reply is a familiar trick, though it is not quite listening.
I could listen to another person while preparing my reply. It looked remarkably like listening from a distance.
If I thought I was being misunderstood, I wanted to correct the record immediately. If someone was upset with me, I wanted to establish what they had missed. My account might have been accurate. It also left very little room for theirs.
Recovery has made me notice how often the urge to be right arrives when I feel exposed. A correction can be useful. It can also be a way of avoiding what somebody is trying to tell me.
Now I try to let the other person finish. I ask what they mean. I leave open the irritating possibility that they have seen something I have not.
I do not manage this perfectly. There would be considerably less material for reflection if I did.
An original reflection by Theo Luke Dornan. Independent and not affiliated with Alcoholics Anonymous or AA World Services.